


Cat and Dog

by sunshinesung



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Complicated Relationships, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Not Beta Read, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Toxic Behavior
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:33:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27571603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinesung/pseuds/sunshinesung
Summary: Haechan and Mark would never be just friends. They never could be. There was never a point in their lives when they were content with just that.They either hated each other, or couldn’t get enough of each other, and there was never room for anything in between.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 21
Kudos: 85





	1. Chapter 1

Haechan and Mark have known each other their whole lives. They grew up together, only ever a house apart. Their families knew each other, but weren’t very close. With Haechan and Mark, this familiarity was never enough for them. They either hated each other, or couldn’t spend enough time together, and there was never any in between. 

Haechan, during elementary school, was the antagonist in Mark’s story. Haechan always knew the right buttons to push and he never knew when to stop. Mark didn’t understand him. Mark, who was thin, tall for his age, and always the top of his class, should’ve been able to stop Haechan’s constant teasing. Haechan, who was chubby and short. But Mark had never been one to stand up for himself or even others for that matter. 

To Haechan, Mark was the antagonist. What kid their age had a neighbor of the same age that refused to hang out with them? Haechan knew every kid in his neighborhood and would play outside until the street lights turned on, yet he never saw Mark out once. He really just wanted to get to know Mark and maybe play a game of hide and seek, but Mark was cold and cut off. This started Haechan’s teasing.

Mark couldn’t count how many times growing up Haechan called him a loner or a nerd. Maybe Mark was a nerd, but hearing Haechan call him one really struck a nerve. Just hearing Haechan’s voice struck a damn nerve. Mark grew to hate Haechan and Haechan grew to resent him.

This lasted until about the seventh grade.

Mark and Haechan had grown past the point of childlike banter and instead chose to ignore each other. In Haechan’s world, he didn’t even know a kid named Mark, much less a neighbor; however, this didn’t last long.

Haechan, always the social one, made friends faster than almost anyone. It wasn’t like he cared about popularity, he wouldn’t even consider himself popular. He just liked hanging out with people and procrastinating homework. When he became friends with a boy a few years above them, Johnny, he didn’t realize that was his ticket into Mark’s life again.

Mark and Johnny were friends. Most people knew that, but Haechan ignored anything regarding Mark, so he didn’t. One day, when Haechan asked Johnny to hang out and Johnny asked to bring a friend, Haechan finally found out.

Haechan obviously didn’t expect to see Mark rolling in—hands in his jean pockets and hood over his head—but it was a pleasant surprise. It was a pleasant day and even a pleasant night for Haechan, who couldn’t stop thinking about the way Mark’s eyes crinkled when he laughed.

Johnny might’ve been the bridge between them, but they didn’t need him for long. Haechan and Mark somehow managed to put the past aside and just be friends. It was weird at first, they even admitted to it, but after talking it over they were fine. It was in elementary school anyways.

Something Haechan noticed almost immediately after becoming friends with Mark was that he tried to hide it. Why? Well, Haechan wasn’t sure. But if Mark wanted to ignore him when they made eye contact in the halls, that was his business. It really didn’t bother Haechan.

Well, not at first at least.

When Haechan brought it up once while they were hanging out, Mark just said it was because he had to get to class. He didn’t have time to talk. Haechan would normally call bull shit, call Mark out for lying because he knew where his class was, but they weren’t close enough yet.

Later on into their first three years of high school however, they became inseparable. It seemed Mark had gotten over whatever was holding him back, and Haechan didn’t think much of it again. They walked to every class together and ate lunch with each other every day. They still hung out after school and on weekends, but now they hung out at school too. Haechan liked it, liked the feeling of having a best friend.

And it was honestly foreign, that feeling. Haechan might have a lot of friends, he might’ve been popular in middle school and highschool, but he never had a best friend. Not until Mark. And Mark never had a best friend either.

Because of this, Haechan was over cautious. He over thought things and held back too much. Were they really best friends? Yeah, Haechan teased him like a best friend and they were always together like best friends, but did Make think so too? So Haechan never asked.

There were reasons for Haechan to question it too. Mark would walk him to classes, eat lunch with him, and hang out with him. But in class, Mark pretended not to know him again. When some of the girls in their shared class would hit on Mark and trash talk Haechan, he wouldn’t say a thing. They would call Haechan gay or crazy because of how often he would try to talk to Mark. Mark who would hear Haechan calling him and ignore it. Mark who would laugh at the things they would call Haechan.

It didn’t make sense to Haechan, but the girls never bothered him anyways. What bothered him was Mark, but he never said anything. 

Then, Mark got a girlfriend. 

Haechan was happy for Mark at first. The girl was in their shared class and Haechan knew she had called him bad things before, but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle. Those words never hurt him because he knew himself and he had friends who would reassure him. He was happy for Mark, truly, but then things got worse.

She didn’t want Mark to hang out with Haechan anymore. 

“Why would she say that?” Haechan asked, exasperated. Mark looked up from where he was laying on the floor of Haechan’s bedroom. He shrugged his shoulders as best as he could from the position. “I don’t know bro, she just like, told me not to anymore. I don’t know,” Mark explained lamely. Haechan looked at him with a newfound disappointment. 

“So should you even be here right now?” Haechan inquired.

“Yeah, I guess not. You’re right,” Mark replied, rubbing the nape of his neck. 

Haechan bolted into an upright sitting position on the bed he had been laying on. “You’re fucking with me. You’re actually going to listen to her?”

Mark scoffed and looked offended, like the answer was obvious, but stayed silent. Haechan narrowed his eyes at him. “That’s not an answer, Mark. Answer the question.”

Mark sat up as well now. “I don’t know, I guess I should leave, but I don’t have to-“

Haechan cut him off. “You’ve been dating for two weeks and we’ve known each other our whole lives. You’re just letting her walk all over you.”

Mark’s eyebrows furrowed. “Shut up, Haechan, you don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t have to leave, she doesn’t tell me what to do.”

Haechan smirked. “Oh really?” he teased, “so you weren’t just going to do exactly what she said until I brought it up? You haven’t been a complete push over your whole life?”

“Fuck you.”

“Real clever, Mark.”

Mark stood up, completely pissed off beyond comprehension. Haechan knew Mark didn’t like being called a push over, but he was still the same little kid that knew how to push Mark’s buttons. Haechan hadn’t changed at all. 

“You’re just jealous,” Mark said, “you haven’t ever had a girlfriend and now that I do you’re jealous.”

Haechan pouted, making a small whining noise. “Oh, you’re so right, Mark. I want nothing more,” he said, voice filled with sarcasm. 

In that moment, Mark would have punched him.

“Come here, Mark,” Haechan said. There was something in his eyes, something Mark knew he recognized, but somehow he missed it.

Mark went over to sit on the bed, wondering if Haechan was finally done arguing. Instead, Haechan smirked again. 

“Good boy,” Haechan said. If there was anything Haechan enjoyed the most, it was being right. 

Mark shoved Haechan back, who hit his back against the headboard and hissed in pain. It wasn’t that bad, but it was surprising. 

After a brief moment of silence, Haechan spoke up. “You should go home, Mark.”

“I told you, I don’t listen to what she says.”

Haechan got up off the bed, standing further away from Mark. “I know,” he lied, “but I think I want you to go now.”

Mark took a moment to process what Haechan said. Through everything, every little fight they had, they always fixed it. Well, Haechan always dropped it and moved on. But he didn’t ever tell Mark to leave. He didn’t ever let them go to sleep during a fight. It was always resolved.

Mark approached Haechan. Haechan crossed his arms over his chest. 

“Come on Haechan, just let it go.”

Haechan closed his eyes for a second, letting out a deep breath. He didn’t like the way this had gone, but he also figured it wasn’t worth it to fight anymore. He always gave in to Mark, but this time felt different. He just wanted to be alone to think for a little bit. Haechan had to make Mark leave.

“Don’t you think she would be angry if she found out?” Haechan asked, feigning innocence.

Mark thought about it for a moment. “Yeah, sure, she would be angry. But I don’t have to leave if you don’t want me to.”

Haechan took that as the bait. “It sounds like you’re asking me for permission. You can stay if you want to, or leave if you want to. I’m not going to decide for you if that’s what you’re trying to make me say.”

Mark glared at Haechan. It was true though, he was trying to get something out of Haechan, an answer or a command. “Then I’ll stay.”

“Wow, you really are a big boy now, making decisions all by yourself.”

That one sentence found Haechan flat on his ass on the floor. Mark had pushed him down fast enough that he couldn’t even ease the fall. It didn’t really hurt though, it just shocked him. 

“What the fuck is your problem?” Mark asked, towering over him.

“You wouldn’t know because you never asked! You’ve never asked me once how I feel. You never stood up for me when your girlfriend and her little friends harassed me. You never talked to me in class or invited me to hang out. I always talked to you, who acted like a fucking brick wall, and I always invited you to hang out. You never fucking cared about me.”

Why Haechan let it all out at once, he wasn’t really sure. It exhausted him, and it felt good, and it left a tear in his heart all at the same time, but he needed to get it out. 

Mark grabbed Haechan by the collar of his shirt in a tight fist. Mark’s grip was so strong that Haechan had to raise an inch or two of the ground. “What are you going to do, hit me?” Haechan teased.

Mark did.

Never before had they been violent with each other, and Haechan used to think Mark couldn’t hurt a fly, but the ringing in his ears and blood dripping from his lip said otherwise.

Haechan tried to lay back on the floor but Mark still had a tight grip on his collar. “Just go home, Mark.”

“What, so you can call me a push over again? She’s not going to be angry if she knows I beat your ass up,” Mark defended himself. 

Haechan smiled, flinching when he felt it cause pain in his lip. He brought his hand up to wipe some of the blood away, never breaking eye contact. “Then why don’t you come down here and really make her angry?”

The confused look on Mark’s face was pure gold. Haechan wanted to take a photo of it. 

“What is that supposed to-“

Haechan propped himself up with his elbows behind him and kissed Mark on the lips. 

Mark pushed forward, catching Haechan completely off guard. He took more and more, didn’t stop with just kissing. He touched too. Brought a hand up to grip Haechan’s hair instead. Straddled Haechan’s lap and kept him pinned in place. 

Haechan was losing air and tried to push him away. He struggled for a moment, letting out a quick, “Mark!” before his lips were attacked again. He whined, but this time wasn’t teasing or sarcastic. His lip fucking hurt.

Haechan hit Mark on the chest with a closed fist. Mark could taste the blood on his lips.

Mark bit Haechan’s lip, pulling back until Haechan let out a sound that surprised both of them. Mark pulled away briefly, staring at Haechan. Haechan took the opportunity to put his hand over his mouth and push himself out from under Mark.

Mark smirked now, but he was still full of anger. Haechan was shocked and maybe even a little terrified. He didn’t know what the hell came over Mark to make him do that. And he didn’t know why it was so aggressive. Maybe Haechan had thought of kissing Mark before, but never like that. He never imagined that. Was Mark still trying to prove he wasn’t a push over? Haechan thought that was too far for even Mark.

“You know, maybe they were right,” Mark suddenly said.

Haechan finally looked up from where he had been staring at the carpet. He was angry now. Haechan didn’t usually lose his cool, but he was about to. “What the fuck Mark?” What the hell do you mean?”

Before Mark even said it, Haechan had a bad feeling. But he really wished he had never asked.

“You are just a slut for attention.”

Haechan didn’t think twice before throwing the textbook that was on the floor next to him at Mark. Mark dodged it, but not the soccer trophy that came flying next.

Mark left in a hurry and barely muttered a goodbye to Haechan’s mother on the way out.

And so, Haechan and Mark went back to hating each other for almost the rest of that year.

Haechan knew it was wrong of him, but he didn’t stop thinking about that kiss for a long time. A deep part of him always wanted it, but it also felt so wrong. He got what his deepest desires always wanted, but it wasn’t fulfilling at all. Haechan played it over and over in his mind, just desperately trying for it to be enough, but it wasn’t.

And Mark thought about it too. Thought about it during the weekends when he was alone instead of at Haechan’s house. Thought about it when he saw Haechan in the halls, who didn’t walk with him anymore. Thought about it when he broke up with his girlfriend only two weeks later and thought about it when he tried kissing another girl and it didn’t feel the same.

They both knew it was wrong to think about it, but it didn’t stop them. It didn’t stop them from thinking about the kiss until they did it again that summer leading into their final year of highschool.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haechan thought of how perfect this felt. How it was just the right amount of pain and pleasure, just how he always imagined it. Mark wasn’t angry and actually took his time. But Haechan had to remind himself this wouldn’t last, and Mark probably wouldn’t even remember.

Haechan didn’t necessarily get over what happened with Mark, he just ignored it. All of those red flags and feelings of doubt he had been ignoring before the fight were confirmed, but now instead of acting on it he just ignored it again. Haechan had always been the confrontational type, but it was different with Mark.

Haechan liked the feeling of being friends with Mark. He liked knowing that someone who was as picky with their friends as Mark picked him. But Haechan also never felt exactly like himself around Mark. He was this image of Haechan that didn’t tease as much, had less bite to his words, gave more compliments and lied more. All just to be a good friend to Mark.

The real Haechan would’ve told Mark how he was feeling long ago, and for some reason Haechan couldn’t piece together why he hadn’t. If he had a problem with something, he was the first to voice it. But not when he had a problem with Mark. He let Mark use him, really.

Mark didn’t really know he was using Haechan though. Haechan was a convenient friend that he could hang out with when he wanted to, but never had to worry about making the first move. Mark thought their personalities just matched well, when in reality Haechan was constantly feeling insecure because Mark never made the plans. 

Mark thought Haechan was on the same page as him. It wasn’t like he never invited Haechan to do things because he didn’t want to, he just didn’t have to. Because Haechan always invited him. He didn’t know this was eating away at his friend, but after Haechan yelled at him and made his frustrations known, Mark was starting to feel a little guilty. But why?

In Mark’s head, if it really bothered Haechan, he would’ve just said something. He couldn’t understand how Haechan was feeling because he didn’t know the real Haechan.

The Haechan who conformed to what everyone liked and changed his whole personality depending on the friend group just to be liked. The Haechan who actually preferred girl groups over boy groups but would never let Mark know, because then Mark wouldn’t think he’s the perfect best friend.

Mark didn’t feel guilty about that, no. He wasn’t even aware of it. He didn’t feel guilty because he never invited Haechan anywhere. He didn’t feel guilty because he never asked Haechan how he felt about that. How was he supposed to know? Haechan never told him.

What he did feel guilty about was how he treated Haechan in class. It was true, he was an ass hole and never stood up for Haechan, but he wouldn’t admit that. Mark would defend himself that Haechan was fine to stand up for himself on his own. Always had been. But deep down Mark knew that was wrong and it was tearing him up inside. He felt horrible, mostly because he knew it was wrong before Haechan even brought it up. 

That didn’t stop Mark from acting exactly the same as he always had in their class though. He didn’t even say anything when the annoying girls were asking him if he finally cut off his friendship with “that loud freak” Haechan. He didn’t deny it, and Haechan never spoke to him in that class again. So everyone knew.

It only got worse after that. The girls harassed Haechan up to the point he switched classes the next semester. Mark would say he didn’t know why if he was asked, but everyone knew why. Everyone saw the way they treated Haechan, and Mark was no fool. He just thought Haechan could handle it like he did before. 

And Mark never liked those girls. He used to make fun of them outside of class with Haechan. They were always talking about gossip, never did their work, and constantly hit on Mark. He hated them, really. He didn’t know why he let them do the things they did to Haechan. He didn’t know why he was such a coward. 

Mark could remember how excited Haechan was when they found out they had a class together. It was their first real class together since they were kids. Mark wished he could forget all of it.

Haechan was doing better in his new class. Again, what the girls said didn’t bother him as much as people thought. Mark bothered him. He wanted, just once, for Mark to act like a friend and tell them to stop. But in the end, Mark never did and Haechan never wanted to take that class in the first place. He just took it so they would have a shot at a class together. 

Those girls were the only experience Haechan ever had with “bullying” but it didn’t really matter to him. It didn’t hurt as much as being away from Mark did. Especially after their friendship ended so abruptly over a girl Mark broke up with two weeks later. 

Through the rest of the school year, they ignored each other. They took one step forward just to take two more back again. Haechan hated it, but he just buried his problems in parties and social gatherings. He still had friends, just not Mark. 

During the summer, there was a pretty big party that a couple of Haechan’s friend groups invited him to. He couldn’t really say no because he was expected to go, but he didn’t actually really like parties. He had the types of friends that didn’t think you could have fun without alcohol or drugs, which made it absolutely no fun for him. He just didn’t have an interest in that stuff.

Haechan didn’t expect to see Mark there. He didn’t expect to see Mark, sitting in the corner of the living room, passing a joint to Johnny as smoke escaped his lips.

Haechan didn’t even realize he had been standing there for a full minute with his mouth wide open in shock until Mark turned to look at him. Haechan just closed his mouth and turned the other way.

They didn’t see each other for most of the party, and if Mark would look at him and smirk, Haechan would just ignore it. He was here to be with his friends and have “fun” but it felt miserable.

When Haechan started to get overwhelmed, he told his friends he was going to leave. Of course, they gave him a hard time for leaving early, but he didn’t really care. And realistically, they didn’t care either if that’s what Haechan wanted.

When Haechan left, he saw Mark outside on the patio. He was just trying to walk by him and get to his car without interruptions, but of course that couldn’t happen. 

“Haechan, where ‘re you goin’?” Mark asked.

Haechan didn’t even turn around. He just froze in place. He thought that Mark’s voice sounded a little off, but he didn’t want to stay and talk anyways. “Home,” he muttered. But then Mark was grabbing his wrist and turning him around.

“You can’t...” Mark trailed off, trying to find the words. When he found them, he looked back up at Haechan and smiled. “Leave.” Haechan then noticed how red Mark’s eyes were and how giggly he was.

Haechan cursed under his breath, feeling Mark’s pockets quickly. Sure enough, he found Mark’s keys. He drove here. “Where’s Johnny?” Haechan asked quickly, becoming increasingly annoyed. 

Mark laughed at the question, shaking his head. “No Johnny, nope… He’s not here.” Haechan groaned. When Mark leaned over to rest his head on Haechan’s shoulder, Haechan just shoved him away. Mark, who apparently couldn’t keep his balance, fell flat on his ass.

Haechan began to walk away. He only got about ten feet away before he glanced over his shoulder. “I’m giving you a ride home but you’re sitting in the back seat and I don’t want to hear a word.”

“Got it, boss!” Mark said as he scrambled up onto his feet and quickly caught up. His balance was magically back it seemed.

The car ride was, for the most part, silent as Haechan requested. Mark settled for breathing onto the car window and drawing little patterns and Haechan kept his eyes on the road. When they got to Mark’s house, Haechan unlocked the doors but didn’t say anything.

Mark looked up and stared at his house for a minute. “No, not this one,” he whined, rubbing his hand down the window sadly. 

Haechan gripped the steering wheel even tighter. “Get the hell out Mark.” 

Mark opened the door and left. As soon as he was out the door, Haechan was reversing and pulling into his own driveway. When Haechan got out, he noticed Mark trudging through the grass and over into his lawn instead.

“Oh, I don’t think so,” Haechan muttered, locking his car and marching over to Mark. He turned him around by the shoulders and pointed at Mark’s house. “Look, see that? That’s your house. I took you home, and now you’re going to go in there and go to sleep.” Haechan's nose crinkled up when he realized he could smell alcohol. Why the hell did Johnny leave him like this, and since when did Mark do this kind of stuff?

“My shower is broken!” Mark blurted out. He turned around to look at Haechan. Mark’s cheeks were flushed pink and his lips were in a small pout. He looked unsure of himself. “My shower is broken, so I just want to use yours and then I’ll leave. Promise. Scouts honor.”

Haechan couldn’t believe his ears. But he also couldn’t believe that he let Mark follow him into his house. He couldn’t believe that he bought that lie. Really, he didn’t, he just still couldn’t say no to Mark. 

Inside Haechan’s house, everything was silent. His parents were sleeping and he was afraid a drunk buzzed Mark would make too much noise, so he took his hand to guide him through the dark rooms. Mark flushed an even deeper rose color.

Haechan, however, wasn’t even bothered. The person he was leading around wasn’t the Mark he knew. He felt angry and toyed with if anything, but he still cared about Mark. He didn’t want him making dumb decisions alone or getting hurt.

Haechan led them into his room and carefully closed the door, being as quiet as possible. He turned the light on and went to sit on his bed, taking his phone out as a way to distract himself. He refused to look at Mark. “You know where the towels and stuff are. If you need clothes you know where that is too. Just be quiet and be out soon.”

Mark stood there by the door, looking down at his hands. He shuffled closer to the bed and looked at Haechan. There was an awkward moment of silence before he spoke. “Do you want to kiss me again-“

Haechan tossed his phone down on the bed. “Mark, don’t do this, just go shower-“

“Because I wouldn’t mind doing it again… kissing. If you wanted to.” Mark confessed.

Haechan stood up and walked towards Mark. Mark closed his eyes and mentally prepared himself for the kiss. Mark didn’t realize Haechan had actually walked past him and was standing by the door.

Mark opened his eyes and had to turn around to find Haechan. “What are you doing?”

“Come on, I’ll walk you home.” Haechan explained.

Mark walked over, standing way too close to Haechan. His lips were parted and he had this kicked puppy look on his face. Haechan’s heart hurt for him. 

Mark leaned in but Haechan turned his head at the last second. He clenched his fists by his side to ground himself. “Seriously, you need to go-“

“Please,” Mark begged.

Haechan let out a sigh. He looked back at Mark and felt another pain go through his chest. He bit his bottom lip and brought his hands up to cup Mark’s face. He looked into Mark’s eyes and searched for something. Anything, really, but he wasn’t sure what. 

Haechan was the one to connect their lips again and Mark was the one to deepen it. 

Mark pressed forward until Haechan back was against the door. Haechan wasn’t sure what was different this time, but it was slower and softer. It didn’t have the anger or roughness as last time. It must’ve been the alcohol and weed that slower Mark down.

Haechan didn’t like the taste. 

Haechan kissed back, but it felt wrong. This wasn’t Mark in the right mindset and he knew it. He should’ve been mature enough to turn him away, but he didn’t. And now he was stuck between a door and the man of his darkest desires. But it wasn’t right.

Haechan turned away when Mark disconnected their lips for a brief moment. This didn’t stop Mark though. Instead, he kissed down Haechan’s neck, down to the junction where his neck met his shoulder. Haechan moaned when Mark bit down on the skin there.

Haechan didn’t even realize Mark was leaving hickies until he felt the second one. Haechan pushed him away, but he came back with even more hunger.

Haechan thought of how perfect this felt. How it was just the right amount of pain and pleasure, just how he always imagined it. Mark wasn’t angry and actually took his time. But Haechan had to remind himself this wouldn’t last, and Mark probably wouldn’t even remember. 

Haechan pressed the palms of his hands onto Mark’s chest, keeping a distance between them. “You need to go home now Mark,” he explained.

Mark did go home, but not without kissing Haechan once more on the lips. Gentle and long. Just the way Haechan liked it, but how could Mark know that?

And Mark didn’t remember it. Or, at least, that’s what Haechan thought.

There was no mention of it and Mark didn’t reach out afterwards. Not until a week later, when Haechan opened the door late at night to find Mark standing there, looking miserable.

“We need to talk,” Mark said.

And Haechan really shouldn’t have let him back into his house. He shouldn’t have opened the door when he heard the knock and he shouldn’t have led Mark up to his room.

He should’ve known Mark wasn’t trying to fix their broken friendship. He should’ve known Mark wanted something else, something more.

And Haechan wanted that too, but not the way Mark wanted it. Not platonically and without strings attached.

But since when could Haechan say no to Mark anyways?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave comments! I love reading them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The implications made Haechan feel ill once again. But he just nodded his head. Maybe Mark was a push over to society, but Haechan was completely lost to Mark. He felt helpless; useless, even.

In the week it took Mark to finally go over to Haechan’s house, he hadn’t stopped thinking about their second kiss. And why he did it. Sure, it was his idea, but Haechan kissed him back this time. He remembered everything to some extent, but it was pretty fresh in his mind when they were kissing. 

Mark also might’ve even been letting on a little more than he actually was. He wasn’t drunk, he only had a little to drink, but he was definitely buzzed. The combination wasn’t the greatest either, but this wasn’t Mark’s first time. He didn’t do stupid shit like invite himself in to his ex best friend’s house and then insist on kissing him. 

It was so unlike Mark but he just did it and now he had to deal with the consequences. Which really, in theory, were none. He could’ve just forgot it ever happened and went on with his life. He was leaving for college when summer was over and probably wouldn’t see much of Haechan again.

But that was exactly the problem and Mark was kind of freaking out.

He had known Haechan his whole life. Even when they weren’t friends, they were around each other, and now they weren’t going to be. Mark didn’t really like change and he definitely didn’t like losing friends. Especially with how little he had. 

This was going to be a huge change in Mark’s life and he wasn’t ready for it. He needed Haechan right now. Haechan, who would always talk him down from these thoughts and make him feel better. Haechan, who would hold him down and brush his fingers through his hair even though he insisted he didn’t like the affection. Mark and Haechan both knew he liked it.

This all led Mark to walk over to Haechan’s house and knock on the door a week after the party’s events.

Haechan opened the door, but he was very surprised to see Mark there. He should’ve looked through the hole or out the window first, because he wasn’t sure he wanted to see Mark right now. He never wanted to see him at the party, but just like now things couldn’t go his way.

“We need to talk,” Mark explained when Haechan didn’t say anything. 

Inside Haechan’s house, Mark remembered what happened the last two times he was over. He tried to not let any heat rise to his cheeks but failed. He felt so awkward and out of place now in Haechan’s home.

Haechan led Mark to his room and closed the door behind him. He knew his parents were home and he was afraid they would get angry at each other like the last time. He didn’t want his parents to hear them fighting. His parents, who were still under the impression that him and Mark were friends, because Haechan just couldn’t break that news to them. Not when they liked Mark so much.

“What do we need to talk about?” Haechan asked, his voice laced with sarcasm and dread. 

“We should just be friends again Haechan, I’m tired of this.”

Haechan looked at Mark in disbelief. He sat down on the bed and crossed his arms over his chest. He didn’t want to be angry, but he already was. After a moment, Haechan spoke. “Did you really think you could just come in here and ask me to be friends again? Did you genuinely think I would be okay with that?”

Mark scoffed, mirroring Haechan’s body language with his own arms crossed over his chest. He scoffed because yeah, he did think so, and because he felt cornered. 

“I can’t believe you Mark,” Haechan said. He was truly speechless.

Mark went over to sit on the bed by Haechan. There were so many things he wanted to say, but he couldn’t. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Mark leaned over until his head was lying in Haechan’s lap. Just like Haechan used to make him do, but now he was seeking him out. “I’m scared,” Mark said.

Haechan kept his arms crossed on his chest for a moment. Then he dropped them to his sides. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath beforeopening them again. “Why?” He asked, but he thought he knew.

Haechan always knew when something was wrong with Mark, and he could usually tell what. Mark always thought it was weird, but now he learned to appreciate it.

“I’m going to college soon, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to survive,” Mark confessed.

Haechan brought his hand up to brush through Mark’s hair. Slowly and gentle, enough to calm Mark’s nerves ever so slightly. “You’re going to be fine,” he said.

Mark groaned. “It doesn’t feel like it,” he retorted.

“Look, I know you better than anyone else, Mark. You’re likeable, smart, and always get things done. You have nothing to worry about. It might be hard at first but you’ll learn. Everyone does.”

Mark rolled over onto his back to look up at Haechan. Haechan looked down for a second to meet his eyes before deciding that was a bad idea. He dropped his hand back to his side. 

“That’s not what I’m worried about though,” Mark pleaded. Haechan wasn’t exactly following, but he had a bad feeling.

There was another moment of silence before Mark spoke up again. “I’m going to college and you’re going to college.”

Haechan nodded his head slowly.

“So that means we won’t see each other anymore, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to survive like that,” Mark continued. He took a deep breath. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to survive without you.”

Haechan felt his heart crumble. And flutter. It was just doing a lot at the same time and he didn’t know what to say or even think. His mind came to a complete blank. “This isn’t fair,” he finally uttered.

“What isn’t fair?” Mark asked as he lifted his own hand to card through Haechan’s lighter soft brown hair. He hummed in question when he didn’t receive a response immediately.

Haechan opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. His chest was burning with something he didn’t even understand and he felt like he was going to be sick. He was feeling too much at once.

Mark’s hand slid down from his hair to gently cup his jaw. Haechan tilted his head when Mark pushed without even realizing it. “Lets be friends again,” Mark tried again.

Haechan almost gave in. He would’ve if Mark’s temptation had gone on any longer. He probably would’ve jumped off a bridge if Mark asked him to if he didn’t snap out of his daze. He scooted away from Mark until he wasn’t in his lap anymore and brought his knees to his chest.

“You can’t do this… You haven’t even apologized properly. I’m sorry you’re feeling that way but this isn’t the right way to do this at all,” Haechan finally found his voice but the words that were coming out couldn’t convey everything he was feeling. “We haven’t even talked about anything that has happened. When we fought, when we kissed, when we… kissed again. We can’t just ignore that.”

Mark rose up and turned to face Haechan. No matter how hard he tried, Haechan wouldn’t meet his eyes. “I’m sorry,” Mark started, “but we can just move past that. We always get through these things, fighting is what friends do.”

“Yeah,” Haechan mumbled in response, but he didn’t believe it. He pulled his legs even closer to his chest and buried his face in his knees. Haechan didn’t think best friends were supposed to fight like this or kiss each other, but he didn’t feel like fighting anymore.

Haechan didn’t even realize he was crying until tears started falling onto his sweatpants. He sniffled and tried to cover his face with his arms, but Mark already saw. 

Mark pulled Haechan towards him. Haechan didn’t bother fighting it. He straddled Mark’s lap and sobbed into his shoulder, fighting the tears away as best as he could.

Mark smiled and held Haechan tight. “See? It’s okay. We’re gonna be okay.” He stroked his hand up and down Haechan’s back until he stopped crying.

Haechan felt like nothing was resolved at all, but at least he didn’t have to hide from Mark anymore. He didn’t have to pretend he imagined their whole friendship this whole time.

Part of Haechan still wondered if they ever were real friends. If they ever would be. If this apology really meant anything to Mark. Part of Haechan knew the answer, but he didn’t want to admit it.

Mark pulled Haechan back so they could look at each other. Haechan wiped his face with the backs of his sleeves. He didn’t think after all of this Mark would be the one comforting him, but here they were. 

Mark traced the soft lines of Haechan’s jaw with his fingers. He smiled again, proud almost. Of what, Haechan didn’t know. Maybe of himself.

“Lets just go back to how things were. Just the two of us, okay?” Mark asked.

The implications made Haechan feel ill once again. But he just nodded his head. Maybe Mark was a push over to society, but Haechan was completely lost to Mark. He felt helpless; useless, even.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What’s the point of having a boyfriend? I don’t care if you wanna make out or…” he made a suggestive movement with his hand, “whatever. And there doesn’t have to be any strings attached.”
> 
> Haechan’s eyes widened and he turned to face Mark in disbelief. Mark, who was now a lot closer than before if he was remembering right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING
> 
> In this chapter, a character starts to do something without the other characters consent. It does not escalate but the character starts to have bad thoughts.
> 
> If you are uncomfortable with this, do not read!!

Haechan and Mark always had their differences, that much was obvious. Where Mark was always early, Haechan usually showed up to anything a little late. Mark wanted to stay in his hometown for college, but Haechan wanted to go as far as possible. Haechan wanted a larger, livelier campus, and Mark wanted a small one.

A few weeks after they ‘made up,’ they realized they were going to the same college.

How they ended up applying and choosing the same college was kind of lost on both of them. It was an hour drive from their neighborhood and the largest campus in the country. A good middle ground for both of them, so it made sense really. They just couldn’t believe the odds.

“Didn’t I tell you I was applying there?” Mark asked from where he was laying up facing the ceiling on Haechan’s bed. 

Haechan shrugged his shoulder, scrolling through social media on his phone on the floor. “You probably did. But every other kid here applied there, everyone knows that college.”

Mark nodded his head in realization. Haechan had a point there. He rolled over onto his stomach to look down at Haechan. “Do you wanna room together?”

“Me and you?” Haechan asked lamely.

“Yeah, like, we could probably put in a request or something. Isn’t that how these things work?” Mark suggested.

Living with Mark. Haechan wasn’t exactly sure of that. Not because he didn’t want to, but because he wasn’t sure he could. It was no secret to Haechan anymore that he had feelings for Mark. After everything they had gone through, he realized that much. 

“If you want to,” Haechan finally responded. He stood up and walked over to the bed. “Come on,” he whined, trying to push Mark over to one side of the bed, “don’t you know how to share?”

Mark did his best to become completely dead weight, refusing to move even an inch from where he was perfectly spread out in the very middle. “There’s plenty of room, just squeeze in.”

Haechan kept trying to push Mark. “Come on, move, I don’t want to lay on some gross sweaty pig,” he said, teasing like they used to.

Mark smirked and rolled over, starting to push Haechan back so he could keep the space. “A gross sweaty pig? Really?”

Haechan stuck his tongue out at Mark. Mark started pushing Haechan away with his feet, which Haechan insisted was cheating. 

“I don’t see you kissing gross sweaty pigs,” Mark teased. But this teasing was different, not like the kind Haechan and Mark were used to. This made Haechan feel uncomfortable suddenly and he stopped shoving Mark’s feet away. He just stood there.

Mark sat up when he realized Haechan was done playing. He scooted over to make room on the bed, even patted the space next to him, but Haechan didn’t budge.

“We never talked about that, y’know?” Haechan asked. They had both silently agreed not to talk about anything that had happened, or at least, that’s what Haechan thought. They were ignoring it but now that Mark brought it up he felt weird.

“What is there to talk about? You know it wasn’t that big of a deal,” Mark explained. He spoke as if it was the most obvious answer, as if it really meant nothing to him. This made Haechan feel even worse.

Haechan sat down on the bed finally, but he kept plenty of space between them. Mark was the one to move closer and invade his space. He leaned over until Haechan had to look him in the eyes. “Right?” He tried again.

Haechan just nodded his head and faked a smile before he started pushing Mark again, this time succeeding in pushing him off. Mark was back on the bed in seconds, attacking Haechan’s sides where he knew he was ticklish.

Less than a few months later, they were at college. To Haechan’s surprise, it really was that easy for them to get a dorm together. Mark requested it and Haechan just let him do all the work until moving day. 

Both of their parents came to help them, but Mark and Haechan took a car by themselves to drive there. They sang and joked and ate probably a little too much food for the two of them, but they had fun. They wanted to have fun before the real stress started.

They actually got one of the better dorms on campus, with most of them being small to accommodate for so many people. It had two rooms separated by a small living space. It was still pretty cramped, but bigger than some of the others they had seen. They couldn’t complain.

When their parents left and they had settled in, almost completely unpacked, they were quick to fall asleep after the long day.

College life took off pretty quickly for Haechan. He made friends fast, as always, and was invited to hang out a lot. His new friends were juniors and seniors who teased him for being so young, but they didn’t actually care. A couple of the friends were the same age as him though, which was nice.

Mark, on the other hand, didn’t see the point in making friends like Haechan did. He never had. He had Haechan.

Mark knew he could make new friends if he wanted to, but Haechan was always there when he wanted him. They watched movies every Wednesday night because they both had no classes the next morning. They talked everyday and got meals together when they could. Haechan even played video games with Mark if he asked nicely enough, because Mark knew Haechan didn’t like the same games he did.

Mark was content, but he should’ve known Haechan’s social life would become more and more demanding. Haechan could always turn his friends down in high school if Mark wanted to hang out, they wouldn’t care. But these friends were new and Haechan was always the people pleaser. He didn’t want to say no and let them down.

When Haechan asked to invite some of his friends to their movie night, Mark begrudgingly said yes.

To Mark, it was like inviting a stranger into his own home. Sure, he was sharing that home with Haechan and Haechan was allowed to do what he wanted, but Mark liked things with just the two of them. Mark wondered if Haechan even mentioned him to his friends or if he was excluded.

Haechan insisted that Mark should join them, but he was hesitant. He finally agreed the day of, hours before they would be coming over.

The dorm was small and it proved to be pretty difficult to fit them all. They made it work though with Mark in the recliner, Haechan on the floor beside Jaemin, and Chenle, Jisung, and Jeno on the couch. At least, Mark was pretty sure those were their names but he could be wrong. The introductions were pretty fast anyways.

As soon as the movie started, everyone was paying pretty close attention. Until about ten minutes in when all hell broke loose. Mark didn’t know how Haechan managed to do it, but he found three copies of his personality. Chenle, Jaemin, Haechan, and Jisung were all making jokes and squealing with laughter. Mark would’ve thought they were high if he didn’t know Haechan didn’t smoke.

Mark thought it was annoying at first, but it was actually kind of endearing. They were all having a good time and Mark couldn’t be mad at them for that. The girls in his and Haechan’s shared class in high school used to make fun of him for that. For being loud and laughing so much. Witnessing it now, Mark couldn’t understand what was so wrong. And maybe he was realizing that now because Haechan was smiling so brightly and Mark missed the sight. Why hadn’t he seen that smile in so long?

Jeno seemed to be the only other quiet one. Or, at least, quieter than the others. He would add in his own jokes too but they were quieter and less frequent like Mark’s own. 

Then Mark looked back at Haechan and saw something interesting. Jaemin had his arm around Haechan in a tight hold and was leaning over to kiss him. He was making this ridiculous pucker with his lips and Haechan was trying to push Jaemin away. To everyone else’s eyes, Jaemin was just doing what Jaemin did best. They all knew him and knew this was more than normal for him.

Mark, however, did not know Jaemin. He was a little confused at first but then he understood they were just playing. But then Haechan leaned forward and kissed Jaemin on the cheek and they were all laughing. Jaemin was now leaning away from Haechan. It was a funny sight to the rest of them, but Mark felt something different.

He felt heat built up in his gut and he wanted to wedge himself between them. He wouldn’t even feel as angry as he did if Haechan was smiling that damn smile. Mark could’ve sworn Haechan’s smile never went up to his eyes like that. He never laughed that loud. It didn’t make sense to Mark.

When the movie was over and Haechan asked if they wanted to watch another, Mark said he would sit this one out and go to his room. Haechan gave him a look in question, but he shrugged it off, refusing to meet his eyes.

Haechan played it off as typical of Mark, but it wasn’t. “Sorry guys, Mark is grumpy when he gets tired, he just needs some sleep.” And they all took that. It was good enough for them to pass. 

One movie and a lot of loud talking and laughter later, everyone decided to head out. Haechan told them all goodbye and walked them to the door before he headed into Mark’s room.

He knocked quietly with his knuckle and carefully opened the door. He peaked before entering, seeing that Mark was still awake and sat up in his bed on his phone. 

“Why’d you head out early?” Haechan asked, moving to sit on the edge of the bed.

Mark put his phone down beside him to look at Haechan. He had calmed down a little since earlier, but there was still a fire in his eyes. “Well, I just didn’t want to interrupt anything.”

Haechan spluttered, wondering what the hell that meant. After struggling to find the right words, Mark spoke instead.

“Do you want a boyfriend, Haechan?”

Haechan flushed a dark red and looked away. Was Mark really asking him this now? After everything was he finally going to ask him out? If he was, well then sure this was a weird time, but how could Haechan say no? “Well, I guess I wouldn’t mind…-“

“I knew it!” Mark exclaimed in disbelief. He crossed his arms over his chest. “Look, whatever you see in Jaemin, I don’t see it.”

“Wait, Jaemin?”

“Yeah, that was his name right? The guy that was all over you all night?”

And now Haechan was back up to speed. Of course Mark wasn’t referring to himself, why would he be? It was so obvious Mark never thought of him that way yet he still had hope. Haechan let out a short sad laugh. “I don’t like Jaemin, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Mark noticed it now. Haechan wasn’t laughing or smiling like he was earlier. It didn’t make sense, why did Haechan not smile like that around him? “Bull shit, Haechan, you were all over him too, don’t play innocent now.”

Haechan shook his head, “it’s really not like that,” he tried to explain. Mark’s voice was so accusatory and harsh that it made Haechan feel uncomfortable. Why was he acting like this?

“You know you don’t need a boyfriend, right?” Mark suddenly asked. He moved closer to Haechan slowly.

Haechan shook his head again. “I don’t understand,” he said.

“What’s the point of having a boyfriend? I don’t care if you wanna make out or…” he made a suggestive movement with his hand, “whatever. And there doesn’t have to be any strings attached.”

Haechan’s eyes widened and he turned to face Mark in disbelief. Mark, who was now a lot closer than before if he was remembering right.

Mark smiled and drew closer, leaning into Haechan’s space. He pressed their foreheads together, giving him all the bait he needed.

There was a beat of silence. A moment where Haechan glanced at Mark’s lips and then back up to his eyes. He pondered. Thought it over a thousand times in his head.

And then Haechan took the bait. 

Haechan tilted his head up to meet Mark’s lips in a quick kiss. Mark pushed Haechan down onto his back and climbed over him.

He kissed Haechan harder and faster, the same intensity as their first kiss. The one Haechan tried so hard to erase from his mind. Haechan let out a short noise when Mark bit his lip. It was exactly like the first time.

Haechan wanted to fight back this time. He pulled away and attached his lips to Mark’s jaw. When Mark tried to move and connect their lips again, Haechan brought his hand up to hold Mark’s jaw in place. His grip was tight and unforgiving.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Mark asked as his nostrils flared. He didn’t like the feel of his control slipping.

Haechan only hummed in response, making his way down Mark’s jaw to his neck. He licked the skin, taking in the absolute power trip when Mark released a soft noise. 

Mark had enough. He took both of Haechan’s arms and pinned them beside his head. Haechan struggled for a moment before Mark gripped them even tighter. He switched his grip so he could hold both wrists about Haechan’s head, keeping him in place. 

Haechan arched his back in an attempt to push Mark off, but this seemed to only please him more. “You look so cute like this, Haechan,” he whispered.

Haechan turned his head away when Mark tried to kiss him again. Mark used his free hand to hold Haechan’s hips that were still trying to push him off. Mark kissed his temple, and then his cheek, and then his nose.

Haechan gave in and connected their lips again when Mark waited. He tried to pull back but he couldn’t. Mark’s hand was now holding his jaw, holding him in place.

He felt like he couldn’t breathe again but it felt so good. Mark licked Haechan’s bottom lip, but Haechan kept them closed.

Mark dropped his hand from Haechan’s jaw to his waist. He still kissed Haechan with a steady practiced rhythm, but not his hand was inching up and under Haechan’s shirt.

Mark’s hands were cold but they felt good on Haechan’s skin. He let out a moan before he could catch himself, hoping Mark didn’t notice. But of course he did. Mark smirked into the kiss and tried to lick Haechan’s lip again.

Haechan tried to pull away.

Mark’s hand slid down Haechan’s side. He could feel goosebumps rise on the skin probably from how ticklish Haechan was. He then tried to slip his hand under Haechan’s waistband.

Haechan tore away from the kiss. “Stop it…” he tried to say before Mark kissed him again. He struggled harder, trying to bring his knees up between them.

“Fucking stop Mark!-“

Mark ignored his protests and kissed his jaw instead. He was too lost in the moment.

Mark tried again, but this time Haechan head-butted him before his hand could slip further.

Mark pulled away like he had been burned, holding his forehead with his hand. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Mark yelled.

Haechan moved off of the bed to stand up, putting distance between them. His head hurt too, but he didn’t care. “What the fuck is wrong with you?! I told you to stop!” He yelled back.

Mark rolled his eyes. “Oh, don’t be stupid. You can’t seriously tell me you didn’t know that was going to happen. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

Haechan was at a loss for words again. “I-,” he cut himself off before he could even start. He didn’t know how to respond to that. “I didn’t…-“

“You’re so immature Haechan. You can’t even handle that? Don’t act like you haven’t wanted it since high school.”

Haechan left and slammed the door behind him. He went into his room and locked the door behind him; yet, part of him knew Mark wouldn’t come looking anyways.

Haechan took his phone out and stared at the screen. He thought about texting someone, but he couldn’t. He wasn’t close enough with anyone to talk about this. And Mark was always the person he told his problems to. The ones that weren’t regarding him at least.

Haechan felt tears well up in his eyes. He tried to fight it, but that made it even worse. He wasn’t crying because Mark didn’t stop when he told him to. He was crying mostly because Mark was right.

He had wanted that for a long, long, time. But not like that. Haechan wanted Mark in every aspect. He wanted a relationship, not some friends with benefits situation. And it hurt.

Haechan felt so much pain but he also felt so stupid. Mark was right and he was the one causing this problem. His feelings were getting in the way. 

Haechan, again, felt helpless.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haechan thought he made the right decision, but it was hurting him more. He knew he had to do this, but he wanted to cave in and go running back.
> 
> Mark thought he made the worst decision of his life. He knew now that he didn’t want to let Haechan go. He just had to figure out why he felt this way and how he could fix things.

A week after the incident with Mark, Haechan told Renjun everything. Renjun wasn’t there for the movie night because he was busy and actually had night classes that day, but he didn’t need to be to know something was up.

Sure, Jeno noticed something a little off about Mark’s energy that night, but Haechan wasn’t looking for spiritual guidance. And if he told Jaemin instead, he knew Jaemin wouldn’t do much other than hold a grudge for the rest of his life.

Haechan didn’t know these guys too horribly well, but he got a sense of how they would act in certain situations. And so, Renjun was his guy.

Renjun’s immediate response wasn’t very pretty. And Haechan was omitting certain details. 

“So this ass hole makes a move on you and just don’t stop when you’re telling him to? Because that’s what you... implied?” Renjun asked, completely exasperated. He couldn’t completely grasp the situation.

“Well, yeah, sort of,” Haechan mumbled, “you’re making it sound worse than it is. He wasn’t completely wrong about the intentions part, he did make that kind of clear.”

“Kind of?” Renjun clarified.

Haechan nodded his head.

“Kind of my ass. Kind of isn’t enough. And from what you said, there was never any verbal confirmation at all. This guy is a complete ass.”

Haechan felt defensive suddenly. He felt like he had to make Mark sound better, even if it meant making stuff up. But he couldn’t do that to Renjun, he would see right through it.

“This isn’t the first time we’ve made out... he probably just thought-“

“I don’t care,” Renjun stated in a flat tone. He knew what Haechan was doing and it made his skin crawl with disgust. “Don’t make excuses for him.”

Haechan gave Renjun and look but he shot it down immediately. “I mean it, Haechan, don’t. I want to be your friend here, and I get that you like him, but it sounds like he’s just taking advantage of you. If this was happening to me or Jisung or anyone I know you wouldn’t let it slide. Don’t do this to yourself.”

Haechan’s eyes watered a little and he could feel his throat constricting. He knew Mark had always taken advantage of him, but at least he was always there. At least Mark always needed him.

“What are you thinking about?” Renjun asked, as if he was reading his mind.

Haechan shook his head, smiling sadly. “I just... like him so much. I liked feeling like he needed me.”

Renjun looked down at his cup of coffee. He suddenly felt weird in the café they were sitting in. This conversation was clearly very personal to Haechan, and he was glad he was coming to him for help, but it felt too private. He wanted to hide Haechan away from the world and just give him everything he deserved.

“Haechan, look at me,” Renjun spoke in a low whisper.

Haechan looked up hesitantly, still toying with the handle of his mug. He hadn’t even touched his drink.

“You should talk to him. Let him know how you feel and if he doesn’t listen, or tries... something again, then...” Renjun trailed off, breaking the eye contact for a moment.

Haechan nodded his head. He understood.

It took Haechan a few days to muster up the courage, but him and Mark were alone and the timing was perfect.

It was their usual movie night time; except, Mark hadn’t asked if he wanted to watch a movie and Haechan assumed they wouldn’t. They still weren’t talking after all.

Quietly, Haechan knocked on Mark’s door. He really didn’t want to have this conversation in Mark’s room, not after what happened the last time he was in there, but Mark hadn’t come out all night.

Haechan was about to knock again, wondering if Mark hadn’t heard him, when the door slowly opened.

Mark stepped aside to let Haechan in to his surprise. He kind of expected there to be some hesitance, some awkward uncomfortable tension, but Mark seemed pretty collected. It kind of pissed Haechan off.

Haechan didn’t say anything for a second, instead staring at the floor. He thought he heard Mark mumble something, but when he turned around he was facing the opposite direction. Haechan was just giving himself false hope.

“Did you come here to talk?” Mark asked.

Haechan nodded his head. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it. He knew what he wanted to say, and he was going to stick to the script in his mind. He didn’t go through all of this with Renjun just to throw it out the window.

“You’re really hurting me, Mark,” Haechan started, trying to meet his eyes.

Mark smiled, though it was sad and didn’t meet his eyes. “I know,” he replied. “Do you want me out of your life again?”

Haechan blinked a few times. This was not in the script. “What do you… what?” He couldn’t understand what Mark was getting at. 

“I know I’m hurting you. That’s why I’m asking if you want me to leave again,” Mark stated as if that was so obvious. He walked over to sit on the bed where Haechan was standing.

Haechan shook his head. “That’s not how this works. I’m not asking you to leave, I just want things to change. We can’t continue this the same way we always have, I’m tired of it.”

Mark reached for Haechan’s hand but Haechan caught himself and pulled away. He wasn’t going to give in this time. 

“What’s the problem then?” Mark asked. “I won’t try to sleep with you again if that’s what you’re saying, but I thought that’s what you wanted,” he trailed off, looking up at Haechan. “I mean, do you not… want that?”

Haechan shook his head. He bit his bottom lip, trying to think. His lip hurt a little from worrying it this whole time, but he couldn’t find the right words. This wasn’t going how he expected it. 

“This isn’t about that, Mark. I didn’t come here just to tell you I don’t want sex, you could figure that out yourself.”

“Well I think you’re lying.”

“So what if I am? I’m not going to sleep with someone who doesn’t have feelings for me!” Haechan blurted out.

Mark’s eyebrows raised. Then lowered. Then he smirked. “So that’s what this is about?” He asked.

“Fuck you.”

“Calm down. I like you too, if that’s what you’re really here to talk about.”

Haechan sat down on the bed beside Mark. He really, really, wasn’t expecting to hear those words. “You like me?” He asked. For some reason, he felt like his own reaction was a little underwhelming.

Mark liked him, so why wasn’t he full of energy? Why wasn’t he completely overtaken by emotion? He felt a little more at ease, but something wasn’t there. Didn’t he like Mark too?

Mark nodded his head beside him.

“Oh,” Haechan responded. He felt something horrible and unsettling creep into his gut.

Haechan realized why he didn’t feel as excited as he thought he would.

Haechan didn’t believe him.

“Since when?” Haechan asked.

“I don’t know… high school maybe.”

“How much?”

Mark laughed a bit at that question. He turned his body to face Haechan. “More than anything else…” Mark whispered. 

Okay. That made Haechan feel something.

Haechan shoved Mark away when he started to lean into his space. “I’m not joking around, cut it out. I’m being serious!”

Mark laughed again. It was so infuriating to Haechan how lightly he was taking this.

There was a moment of silence between them. Mark was messing with the holes in his jeans and Haechan was just thinking. 

He tried realistically to think about a relationship with Mark but he couldn’t. He wasn’t sure Mark even wanted a relationship. He couldn’t imagine going on dates, telling people they were dating, or holding hands, or anything. All because he was sure Mark wouldn’t want that. He was always embarrassed of Haechan anyways.

“Don’t you have anything to say?” Mark asked, breaking the silence. Haechan turned to give him a glare.

“I don’t know, Mark, do I? What does this even mean to you? Obviously you knew I already liked you and now you confess out of nowhere. Do you even want a relationship?” Haechan was speaking too fast and getting too angry. He knew he was supposed to stay calm, but he couldn’t.

Mark shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know… do you want a relationship?”

Haechan shook his head and smiled to himself. Of course. Of course Mark was going to be like this. “Still letting people make every decision for you?”

Mark whipped his head towards Haechan. To Mark, that came out of nowhere. He hadn’t even realized Haechan was mad until he turned to look at him again. Haechan actually looked furious, to more accurately describe the state he was in.

Mark didn’t say anything, so Haechan did instead.

“Of course I want a relationship. I just don’t think you’re the right person right now. I don’t want you out of my life, but I need a break,” Haechan explained. His tone was sharp, but also exhausted. He wanted to run away now.

“What, so you don’t like me? Is that what you’re saying?” Mark accused.

“No- I’m… shit. God, you’re so insufferable,” Haechan rubbed the back of his neck, grabbing the collar of his hoodie. He felt suffocated. “I like you, but I don’t think this is a good idea. You clearly don’t know what you want and I don’t think we want the same thing. I think… I think we-“

“We what? We fucking what Haechan? You’re not making any sense!”

“We won’t be good together! I don’t think we would ever work and I don’t think you want to make it work. I don’t think you actually like me and it fucking hurts. I want a real relationship and you obviously want something else!” Haechan was yelling now, gripping the comforter underneath him. 

Mark stayed silent for a moment after Haechan spoke. He tried to understand what Haechan meant, but it wasn’t completely setting in yet. Did Haechan just turn him down?

Mark looked back down at the floor. He stayed still when Haechan stood up and turned to face him. Over and over in his mind, he kept repeating. Is Haechan really leaving me?

He couldn’t believe it, but it sounded like Haechan was really done with whatever they had. Mark didn’t want to give it all up but he didn’t know why. Why did he feel hurt? What Haechan said was true, he didn’t want a relationship. Mark didn’t want anything long term or domestic.

But when he really thought about it, wasn’t that what they already had? What did this mean for them now? They already watched movies together and cuddled. Anytime Mark would ask, Haechan would come comfort him or hold him in his arms. They even kissed a few times. So what did that mean now?

“So that’s it?” Mark muttered, clenching his fists, “what does that even mean for us?”

Haechan refused to meet Mark’s eyes. “I’m tired of being convenient to you. Until you figure out what you want, I don’t want anything to do with it. I’m tired of being some experiment to you.”

And so that confirmed Mark’s worries.

Mark tried to picture his life without Haechan in it and he couldn’t. He needed Haechan, that much he knew. He just didn’t understand why.

Haechan tried to picture his life with Mark in it the way he always wanted, but he couldn’t. He could never see Mark giving him back exactly what he got. Nothing in their relationship was ever equal, and he could never picture it that way.

Haechan thought he made the right decision, but it was hurting him more. He knew he had to do this, but he wanted to cave in and go running back.

Mark thought he made the worst decision of his life. He knew now that he didn’t want to let Haechan go. He just had to figure out why he felt this way and how he could fix things.

**Author's Note:**

> This is not completed yet! I will try to update as soon as possible if this gets any good response. Please keep in mind that their relationship is toxic and far from perfect and it will take a while before things get better. They are young, immature, and absolute idiots in love that don’t realize it yet.


End file.
